I represent the nobodies.

 All the nobodies, please stand up!

Alone and missing my wife.

 Was at the shop today. Everybody left at 6pm so I was alone until I closed. I had Tom Waits playing while I did my work. Tom Waits songs makes me miss my wife. Sometimes to the point of tears. How I wished she was with me today...

In a land there's a town, 
And in that town there's a house, 
And in that house there's a woman, 
And in that woman there's a heart I love,
I'm gonna take it with me when I go. 

Take It With Me - Tom Waits 

The fucking Malay idiot who couldn't stop fucking talking in the bus.

 There is this fucking Malay man whom God has created to test my very fucking patience. He would somehow take the same fucking bus as me on my way home. He couldn't keep his fucking stinking mouth shut and just keeps yapping and yapping on his fucking phone while in the bus. And when I say stinking mouth, I do mean it literally. His breath stinks the fucking bus when he opens his mouth.

Why can't I just avoid him then? Because he would always board the bus I'm on later at a different bus stop. If we were at the same bus stop, I would most definitely skip the bus he's taking and wait for another one.

But bad breath is not the only thing. The volume of his voice is loud and he just couldn't fucking stop talking! If 1 call ends, he will call another person and continues talking. How many friends can this motherfucker have?! Do they not smell his breath and tell him to shut the fuck up? If he was my friend and he called, I wouldn't even answer the call. Or even if I did, it would be just to tell him to fuck off planet earth. 

I fucking hate people talking in the bus. Talking is fine, if it's important. But don't go and make a phone call just for some casual talk. Shut the fuck up so others in the bus can have their peace. I'm not a mean person but he needs to fucking die...!

Stressed

 I'm very stressed right now. My wife asked if we can go for a holiday in Langkawi. It's like an advanced 30 year wedding anniversary. We got married on Friday, the 13th of December, 1996.

I've said many, many times to her I can't travel anymore. I hate going on holidays. I hate the hassle of it all. I do not see a point in it. And I really, really don't like it.

But the main reason why is because I really don't have the money to be going on a holiday. I keep telling her it's really tough for me as I have to save money for a few investments/projects right now. I just have too many things to pay for. I am trying my best to spend as little as possible. I even skip meals if I have to.

Then she'll say "ok, then no need.". AND SHE'LL ASK AGAIN IN A FEW DAYS OR A WEEK OR SO!

I'm not angry at her. I would love to give her what she wants. I love her so very much. But I just can't do it with money I don't have. I'm already very stressed thinking about how I'm going to be able to manage to save money in time for the upcoming show. I've committed to contribute $5k for it and as hard as I try, I could hardly save much each month because there are other expenses/ investments I've committed to along the way.

I don't think she understands how I feel right now. She will say just say no. No need to get so worked up. Well then stop asking! It's stressing me out! I hate this feeling!

In it for the long haul...

 ...but for the wrong reason.

Brag all you want about your 30+ years in the scene. It means nothing if you're in it for the wrong reason.

Or did you forget as you went along? A little fame or recognition made you delusional. Your association with the who's who of the Hardcore/Punk scene gave you the impression that you are an "important" person yourself.

You are not. None of us are.

I've observed long enough. And many of us do not mean what we say in our songs or on stage. Preach and preach and preach and preach some more! It's all performative activism to me.

Speak less, do more. 

Most versatile vehicle.

Batman may have his Batmobile. Wonder Woman may have her Invisible Plane. Their vehicles can do many other things aside from being just a mere form of transportation. But there is no vehicle out there more versatile than this one...

Woe is me / Drama queens

I sometimes understand why the family ignores me. But this doesn't mean what I say isn't true. They ARE drama queens, my son included.